This Space For Rent

I don’t really have any reason to use that title. It’s just a great line, and an important one to remember.

Life continues apace. Utilikilts is treating me very well. We’ve been renovating the store, which is almost complete. The constant chaos was starting to get to everyone. Soon the all-Mac computer system will be up and running, and then life will truly be good again. Actually, life will truly be good when I hit my three month anniversary and start getting cheap kilts. I only get four a year at half-price, so no I won’t get you a discount.

I’m sure no one is surprised to learn that I really don’t wear pants any more. I do on the bike, but i change immediately when I get home. I always knew the kilt-life must be possible. So very comfortable…

Still seeing Janeil, the Stranger Personals girl. She kicks ass. If you don’t believe me, ask Austin. The three of us went drinking, and it was a blast. I’m seeing her again tomorrow night. Woo! Ellie, the 19 year old, is kind of wearing thin. She’s hella cool, but my social life revolves around the bar far too much to date a youngin’. It’s a shame, but it’s true.

In the news:

So, the US Supreme Court has backed doctor-assisted suicide in Oregon. Good for them, and for us.

Wilson Pickett is dead at 64. He is traveling to the Land of 1000 Dances, riding shotgun with Mustang Sally. In [this] Midnight Hour, I will raise a beer to “Wicked” Pickett.

Anyway. I need some good boots to go with the kilts, and I’m thinking of getting some of these tanker boots. They look pretty cool, and are just different enough without being overly flashy.

(While searching for the last link, I found this. Teh funnay!)

Right. One last link, then bed time. I’m aquatinted with a woman I know as Moneyjane from www.monkeyfilter.com. She is a self-employed, high-class, professional prostitute in Vancouver, Canada. Her blog, although a bit dry lately, can be very interesting at times. And she squeezes a good tit shot in there now and then.

Anyway. Bed time again. That seems to happen more and more these days.

Yawn.

This is seriously the best blonde joke ever. It made me laugh right out loud. I hope you do too.

…women, that is.

My date with Ellie went swimmingly, with large amounts of walking ending at my place in the wee morning. Delightful. We’re going out again next weekend.

PLUS, this girl replied to my personal, and we’re meeting for drinks on Thursday evening. She seems pretty cool, at least over email. We’ll see.

Never really dated more than one person at a time before. Should be interesting. Ellie made it quite clear that she isn’t interested in a serious relationship, which is fine. I’d be down if she was, but I’m not going to waste my time pining away. Rather I’ll enjoy her excellent personality, and keep my options open.

Woo! Look at me. Lady’s man, man’s man, man about town.

(insert smooth funk track here)

Right then. Work is good. It never stops raining here. I knew that before I moved here, but damn! Good thing I’m not the depressive type.

Right then. Almost bed time.

I really want a SPEC.-OPS.® TAC-TIE™ - WORLD’S 1ST LOAD BEARING NECKTIE. Totally sweet.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2889527841583480458

Funny Shit!

Right. Been a while, so here’s a quick update.

Giftmas was mostly me alone at my house drinking mimosas. Not nearly as depressing as it sounds. I’m not big into the whole give-presents-to-celebrate-Jesus’s-birth-even-though-he-was-born-in-summer thing, so whatever.

New Years was FUCKING GREAT. Schwartz and Mark Peterson were in town, and we partied like muthafuckin’ rockstars. Austin was also there, as was Jen. Good people and great times. A certain dark-skinned homie of mine got some crazy bootie, and I slept through an all-night afterparty at my house. So yes, good times.

The Utilikilts quarterly employee meeting was recently. We discussed the finances and inner workings of the store, where we are going, and what the future holds. Then we bowled like crazy. Only my boss would have an open tab at the bar for anyone wearing a kilt. And I got a big-ass giftmas bonus. w00t!

Tore the store to little pieces and put it back together. Lots of work, and we’re not done yet. But it looks awesome. Oh, and Austin got a job working Saturdays there, too. Moscow is rolling up in there! They already go to Tye Dye Everything for their tye dye work. Small Pacific Northwest, I guess.

Got a cute girl’s number today. She ordered a kilt about a month ago, we flirted, and she left. She came back, we flirted more, and she pointed out that I have her phone number and I should use it.

(pimp music standby…GO)

Anyway. Here is your happy link for the day. Ron English is really fucking cool. Check out his galleries, and read the NYT article about his guerilla billboard campaign. Love it.

Why the fuck does everyone want to move to MySpace? Is it really that much better? We’ve got such a good little circle going on here at Friendster, and my profile is all set up and everything. It’s a lot of work, and I’m fucking lazy.

So, if you haven’t seen Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg do The Chronic WHAT?-cles of Narnia, you’ve been missing out.

Don’t say I never gave you anything for giftmas. And remember, Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious.

Peace.

1. The Friendster Chat beta-program sucks my nuts. Don’t bother.

2. Fake hot chicks sending me messages SUCK EVEN HARDER. I was all like, “I got a message from a hot chick.” She just got to Seattle, she’s looking for new folk, can I show her around? FUCKING A I CAN! Wait, she gave me her real email? That’s a little fishy…Oh hey, another hot chick sent me a message. WOO HOO! I’m hot shit. And her message is…exactly…the same…as the first one. God dammit.

3. What’s worse than a flat tire on your bike on the way home? One on a brand spanking new bike, on the third ride ever. Through no fault of my own. The bike shop says they’ll fix it for free, but I can’t get it in until Sunday. God dammit.

Better things:

I went to the giftmas party Amy Burton and her gentleman Russel (is that right, Amy?) threw. He is really, really cool. British, well-mannered, a hell of a host, and a generally great guy. I rode there and back with Kate Parker and Jenny Schmit (regular reunion!), and we spent most of the ride back talking about how much we liked him. Everyone be happy for Amy, as she has struck gentlemanly gold.

Oh, and he was wearing a kilt. Bonus points all around.

We’ve got all new G5 Macs at work, and soon they’ll be on our desks. Today and tomorrow and devoted to training on them. Since I’m already Mac-savvy, it’s a vacation. They have iSight (built in cameras), so expect pictures with cheezy effects soon.

It rains in Seattle. A lot. In case you didn’t know.

Bagpipes + a hip-hop beat = teh RoXxOr (totally sweet, for you non-733t kids out there).

Taking a cue from Amy’s success through match.com, as well as several other people I know, I did something I said I never would. Mind you, I haven’t paid any money. Posting is free, but it costs money to contact people. Scope out some of the fine-assed women on that site. The Stranger is a badass free paper here, and Austin Garrison and I had a lot of fun surfing the ads and discussing it via Messenger.

Because I HATE trying to pick up chicks in bars.

So that’s all the news that’s fit to print. I’m out, beeotches.

With apologies to Austin for outing him, but you gotta admit it’s kinda funny.

First:

Yaz, I didn’t know I had to approve testimonials. Take another look, and check out my profession. Happy?

Dirty Suarez, you make an excellent point. I should say she was trying to get into my kilt. Which I think sounds much more hawter.

Right then. Onto today’s rant. Which is, THE SEATTLE BUS SYSTEM LICKS MY FROZEN NUTSACK!!! I could goddamn WALK to work faster than these late as hell, once every 20 fucking minute busses get me there. I’m waiting in the cold, in a kilt, trying to ignore the crackhead that is trying to sell me candy. Yes, Mr. Crackhead, I really want to buy a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup from you for 50 cents at 8:30 in the goddamn morning. And I’m SO interested in whatever random thought is running through your head. Thanks for sharing. What’s this, you’re getting onto the same bus as me? And you’re sitting next to me to continue this one-sided conversation? FUCKING AWESOME. Let me just throw my book out the window for you. Sheesh.

Seriously though, I need my bike back. But it’s in Idaho, way up in Bonners, and I don’t have any viable means of getting it here. I’m seriously thinking of just buying a new one here. There is a nice bike shop near my house that will do 12 months same as cash, plus warranty etc. And then I could get a nice street bike, too. I’m also surfing the used ads on Craigslist, but if I’m gonna drop money on a good bike (and it needs to be good), I may as well spend a little more for high-quality that comes with a warranty. And start to build a relationship with a new bike shop.

I should start working out again, too (if I had a nickel…). Maybe a bike would encourage me to be more active, and then I would be more inclined to go to the gym. As it stands, by the time I get home after riding the fucking bus I don’t want to do anything. 45 minutes to get home, when I could ride in about 15. Maybe less. GAARRGH!

…just pondered the idea of riding a bike to work wearing a kilt…I’d need modesty snaps to keep it closed…hmmmm

Anyway.

I need furniture or something. My room is still really empty, and it’s kind of weird. I’m keeping it messy just to keep it full. When I clean, it feels too spartan. Maybe a fish tank or something. I’ve got a futon, so I don’t need a chair. Some plants would be nice, too. Back to the free listings on Craigslist, I guess.

Right. I’ll leave you with a moment of zen. SenSlip: the world’s first ever artificial retractable foreskin for circumcised men. I shit you not. The page that it links to is Safe For Work (SFW), but proceed farther at your own risk. I do enjoy that they make the uncircumcised wangs look much larger that those that have been chopped. Makes me cringe just to think about it…

Namaste’

Everyone at Utilikilts are totally badass. I think I seriously scored with this job. The people are very very cool, the customers are great, the work is challenging but not difficult, and I get to wear a kilt all day. In three months, I get a $2/hr raise, full benefits, and a free kilt. Totally sweet.

On Friday, Steven (the boss man) comped everyone to go to The Moisture Festival. I quote from the website:

The 3nd annual Moisture Festival returns with a Comedy/Varietè showcase of local, national and international artists. Acrobats, dancers, musicians, clowns, aerialists, comedians, magicians, jugglers and more will inaugurate the new performance venue - Hale’s Palladium at Hale’s Brewery. Built among the kegs, the Palladium is a wonderfully relaxed theater space where you can have a drink, eat well and enjoy act after act of the world’s finest Comedy/Varietè performances.

It was awesome. I didn’t know vaudeville was still alive. The aerialists were great, and one of the fine-ass rope girls lost her top mid-performance. Steven was buying everyone drinks, and we were the loudest and rowdiest people in the place.

Afterwards I went to a house party and spent the evening getting hit on by a dumb bitch. Apparently it was Nate’s part (fucked if I know who Nate is), because he’s going away to Central America. Dumb Bitch was his girlfriend. She was sloppy drunk, and looking for a revenge fuck. I wouldn’t have put up with her shit, but she had stolen my driver’s license (long story) and I was trying to get it back. It was also nice to have someone trying to get into my pants. Always good for the ego.

Oh, and to answer Sandy’s question, I don’t get employee discounts yet. I will after the “probation” period is over, but that’s three months. So y’all will have to wait for your cheap kilts. Because I know you want one. Bushie, I’m looking at you!

Right. Viva la Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Utilikilts hired me. For that, they rule.

That is all.